Challenging now

Opps, my hubby condition suddenly worsened by very Low blood pressure and high heart beat at 145-150. It indicates many things like dehydration or bleeding.

He got too weakened and we called ambulance.

So went back to hospital after discharge for 4 days.

After 1-2hrs in A&E, doctor called upon me as usual and she brought me to my hubby and to my shocked and horror, I saw my hubby PEG had lots lots of blood. The whole bag was filled with fresh blood!

Surgeon offered endoscopy to check the source of bleeding but with very high risk as his condition was unstable. It might be gastric ulcer or progression of tumour that penetrates the stomach lining. Both could be possibly exist at the same times and procedure is not going to do the life saving but just to drag on. As internal bleeding may come and go from time to time.

My hubby devastatedly told the surgeon he wanted to move on without anymore procedure. I was in deep sadness but I had to agree for his decision.

So doc will use only medicine and blood transfusion at most to stabilise his condition while got me prepared for the worst.

I talked to my hubby in tears that we are ready at all times and everything has settled for the kids and the families. We should face it bravely.

I kissed him for like million times. 

Then I called all families to get ready and each of them met him individually at the A&E. Until midnight, doc warded my hubby and gave the blood transfusion the next morning.

My hubby now is suffering lots blood loss symptoms and he felt better after blood transfusion. But he has more delusion and could not response at times while talking by himself.

I am wondering is he on his way?

Can the medicine stop the bleeding? The Doctors as usual spoken about how terminal his condition is and how amazed they are to see my hubby actually is still alive with very minimal procedures and medication.

I felt awful when he could not even talk properly with me. I felt like losing him and there is no way I could continue to keeping him.

I told Buddha please guide us and lead him through. 

We continue to chant but welcoming the day to come. 

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