Oh wow, what a dramatic change compared to last 2weeks! 

I must say that we continue to grow stronger and steady in accepting the truth. 

My hubby continues to have stability in his C & T (cancer & terminal) game and Doctors have come to a decision for continuing his TPN support and far more better, a Home TPN. 

A little improvement here, his antibiotic regimen has changed to tablet forms and the infection blood markers showed stable and under control. So infection & disease doctor granted him for all tablets form of antibiotics which gave a big move in our effort to go home with treatment. 

Social worker instead has bigger worry which is Home Support TPN’s cost at SGD 8000 / month excluding private nurse charges. Doc has required 2 caregivers as the TOP criteria for home TPN. They will test both of them and sign for discharge only when both of the caregivers approved for the assessment. 

My hubby has a PICC line, 2 drainages for the abcsess and stomach (in directing out the gastric juice). All of these has to be under great care to prevent infection, which is a common deadly cause of patient like my hubby.

We have approached the Nurse Maid option. Hire someone specialised in Nursing back in their country but also provide close care to my hubby’ condition like a maid stuff. I am glad to know that this option actually exists. 

We have reach all out in attempting the home treatment for my hubby. We are thankful that the Doctors are helping us now. The Cancer things, we have all agreed to let it be and wish the best of it. Although the medical oncologist did not being very hopeful for his prognosis but she still support on our wish. 

The financial is the most and last hindrance we are having now or eventually later. Our saving plus those insurance claim would last us not more than a year and I would certainly be happy for financial problem as it means my hubby survived Long enough! Haha! Good problem indeed! I am ready in getting a loan from my Father in law and the amount would be big for my hubby to survive another 10 years! I would really glad to have the loan. We might need to sell our apartment but my Son (6 yrs old) agrees that we do so. Haha! He is willingly to use the money for daddy to come home. I might need recording for he won’t blame me when he grow up! 

Our “touch” to Buddha has up to another level. I would cry in front of Buddha as I finally understand the way of life. Reading more Buddha’s scriptures, we have greater faith and confidence in leading our life. We both found more meaning of Buddha’s thinking about the earth following with the ancient China’great Sage believe. 

It is interesting to know that over few hundred years of ancient Civilisations of China, the emperor actually degraded people who involve in business. The businessman has the lowest grade of status in society. The reason of the fall of the dynasty was due to the diversion of such status level. Oh well, US has a businessman background’s president! 


Well, we both enjoy lots in reading the fellow Sage’s book. It really reflects a lots of current society situation now. 

So we are taking home leave now catching up the LegoMovie and foot reflexology sessions afterwards. My hubby looks and feel great. So do I.

March, will be a busy month! I look forward to it. 

So, until next time.


No more hope

My hubby’s perforation repair surgery has failed. Surgeon went in and found the repair was way impossible and thus gave up. 

Doctors, each of them approached us for the transfer to hospice, or home care. They would allow my hubby to eat and stop all other supports including TPN and antibiotics. 

The infection might first takes place which he will get fever and then move on.   

How could they make such a recommendation? 

No treatment is a death sentence. 

They kept explained that they won’t prescribe antibiotics or TPN for life Long as this is not a standard procedure to do. It won’t help. 

I told them we want the stability as of last few weeks. That was the best time that my hubby had ever since his condition deteriorated. No vomiting, no diarrhea, no heartburn, no fever, can drink, can move around, play games, joking & chatting with friends and go home for few hours. 

Why would we want to stop it? 

The only difference is staying hospital. Going hospice will be same as hospital then why would we stop the peace?

Moving on, yes we are. We are resting for the surgical wound to recover while the support continues.

We will wait until the body starts to alarm us. Be it infection or all sorts of side effect. 

The point is my hubby looks and feel better after TPN. His body recovers well and we know it. Why we must rush to saying give up for the body takes time to heal? 

Yes we left not much time but why rush for it?

Yes it might not heal and so to give up? No chance doesn’t mean no miracle. 

My hubby had better spirit and motivates to have some good time still with kids da and friends. The few hours is what we need. 

We are having lots of good chatting time at hospital. Between us and those who visited him. 

Doctors, could you please think out of the box? Unprecedented doesn’t mean it won’t work. Not standard procedure doesn’t mean it won’t help. 

If my hubby is in great pain and wanted to give up, we will follow his will. But he is resting well and having good time enjoying the “recovery” process, why must we rush? 

Our last hope of their’s no hope will be condition under control and the perforation healed somehow. He can have this stability for a period of time. 

Can we? 

I cried breathlessly, I could not sleep but I pray for the miracle, still.

Where is my faith? 

Surgery 2nd attempt

My hubby has been better after TPN nutrition, antibiotics control and drainage for the abcsess from the intestine perforation. He did several test and CT scan showed that he still has to go for surgery to solve the perforation issue. 

As he is actually feeling more spirited and better strength, he has more confidence now to go for surgery. 

So everything planned and I watched him being pushed into operating theatre. The doc advised all possible outcome from the surgery as below:

1) The bowel and the scar tissue has made the perforation locating too difficult, they will seal back as not to cause further injury. Clearing of the infection area might not be entirely done.

2) They clear infected area and locate the perforation. But they could not find healthy bowel for stoma.

3) They clear infection, retrieve healthy bowel for stoma but the length might be too short and he will need TPN still for nutrition. 

4) Emergency cases happened and he will be admitted into ICU.

We accepted all possible outcome and we were positive on it. 

So just one hour’s time he went into the operating theatre, doc called me for wish to talk to me. I was still thinking something must be good that they find out and to sort out with me. 

Doc told for they have bad news. My hubby had seizure after the anaesthetic injection, they quickly stabilised his condition and put him to sleep. So the worst case will be he will not waking up and fall in coma. They gave him 2hours time. 

I told them just put him into ICU if he is not waking up. Then I went for my lunch and waited for few hours later. I felt nothing and I was just chanting for him. I told Buddha. I will make good deed by action in every month and commit for vegetarian twice a month and please let my hubby wakes up. 

My heart has no worries and I felt calm. 

Just few minutes later, doc called that my hubby had awakened and everything seems ok. 

The moment I saw my hubby, I was still joking to him whether he managed to see Buddha coming to him? Haha! We were overjoyed that the best case scenario had happened. 

He went for MRI for the worry that the tumor had spread to his brain but scan is ok! 

So doc asked whether he keen to go for surgery again, he said absolutely. Just please change the anaesthetic doctor. Haha! 

Our 2nd attempt of surgery will be this Friday. I chant more for him and we want to recover from this perforation and get out of hospital quickly! 

Stay cheer!