Celebrating Chinese New Year @ hospital

Fri CT scan showed the intestine perforation has yet healed, although there is no leak during the scan. Another good thing is the collection inside my hubby’s abdomen has not grown in size and they called it abcsess. 

Surgical doc wants to drain the abcsess and to do test on the collection for better idea of antibiotics treatment for my hubby. 

They have to do several test to see if the area showed improvement and then will let him eat. 

Overall, his swelling has stopped completely because his weight has back to 44kgs which is after chemo weight. The water retention had put him for 10kgs increase to 54kgs. No wonder he could hardly move during the swelling time. 

He has no pain, no heartburn, no vomiting, regular passing motion, sleep well. Just feel hungry all the time. His gastric juice suction has also gone down to few hundred ml. 

The ward Doctors are still amazed on how TPN helped to stop my hubby’s swelling. I think Dr Radzi truly understands the situation better even he has not seen my hubby. Luckily we insisted for the treatment. 

I realised the ward doctor always quote the worst case scenario and get patient to prepare for it. It is truly testing on our will strength. 

We both enjoy the time to learn the Buddha’s way and discuss on it. We have no rush to return home for Chinese New Year. 

I treasure the moment when I overheard my hubby’s snoring during sleep. I am thankful for he has been resting well. 

Well, first in our lifetime to celebrate CNY here in hospital. I am satisfied enough for my hubby is well now. 

Gong Xi Fa Cai, friends. 

Huat Ar! 😀


Busy for claim

What a surprise that my hubby and I have been busy filling for the terminal illness insurance claim. The process is tedious and long waited. My hubby too has filling up his nomination for his CPF (EPF). He had just realised that he bought an income earner policy which will compensate for not able to work by monthly basic, which is an awesome pay out. 

Days in ward has been tensed. I actually started my night stay at hospital for about a week ago. These 2days we witnessed the 2 roommates who passed on, has been really hard. 

They struggled a lot when they were alive and became so peacefully quiet when they gone. Death to me, could be really peaceful. A relieve, to them and everyone else. Sun still arise, flowers blossom and life goes on. 

Soon their bed would be quickly filling in by other patients. 

We came to know several young man who in their 18, 19 had very aggressive type of cancer like sarcoma. 

We realised too nothing could be complaint for. We had 2 lovely boys and a happy marriage. Days in the ward like days we were dating. Stick to each other doing nothing but happy.

I am contented, so does my hubby. 

So a bit update for his condition. His swelling has reduced a lot after the TPN. He had a NGT for the gastric juice suction and the amount of the suction has been too much which is not very encouraging. 

However, he gain more strength now and able to do light exercising. We will do step by step and see how. Hopefully next Fri CT scan would bring us some good news. 


Confused – good n bad

My hubby’s leg and hand had started to swollen, some days it could be quite pain that stopped him from walking.

He was so upset and scolding the Doctors and Nurses. He wanted to go home. Doctor told that his condition will not improve and surgery won’t really help and she will approve for Hospice team to take him over which means no antibiotics and no blood test. She said further nutrition won’t help as his body might not able to absorb. He might progress from Hospice within 1-2 weeks when the infection takes place. But she offered too another 2weeks course of antibiotics and then restart the eating. 

My hubby was very hungry and he disobeyed doctor’s advice and took supplement drink, soy milk & coffee. He got pass urine and motion several times a day. 

So his swelling part pain had reduced as he is ok now with only paracetamol 2 tablets 3 times a day. He could walk further and have better spirit to talk to me for half a day’s time. 

I wish to let him have IV nutrition the TPN but the doctor kept saying that won’t help. I consulted Dr Radzi. He told us with surgery, my hubby could recover sooner but if without, the intestine could heal but it takes longer time. He advised that we focus on the infection control and IV nutrition (fasting) for the swelling to reverse. 

I told him the other doctor don’t think TPN will help. He said that is not true. 

So we decided to have a good 2weeks for the intestine to heal. A CT scan will show whether everything went well or worst.

I really hope that my hubby could hold on this 2weeks. 

I have always asked myself, is this the end or it is a new beginning?

Are we going to make it through or end here? 

Being hopeful is not helping, knowing the best and the worst I felt more calm. 

Let his body do its best. 

Counting days..

So my hubby’s blood work has improved but his back started to develop a swelling and showing red patch.

After CT scan, doctor advised that he had some gas collection and might caused by the holes at the intestine. 

They offered him surgical approach again to reverse the situation as the hole will leak out the bacteria towards whole body and thus causing him sepsis? He will be in coma once the condition got worst. 

My hubby told the doctor that he had enough of all treatments and he wanted to progress from here.

Doctor told me afterwards the infection is quite severe and his days are counting. Not even month, not even weeks…

I urged my hubby to go for treatment but the surgery approach comes with risk of infection too and we too worried for the worst case.

I am completely lost.

I could just follow his last will and do the best for him. 

Doctor told me another thing that progression from cancer might be pain at the late stage so if infection could let him slowly losing consciousness, it might be good for him to pass on too. 

What should I do? Where is my faith?