I am having my coffee at bedtime.
Coffee is a must for me, especially when I am very happy or deeply saddened.
Tonight is the later one.
My 6yrs old eldest boy cried badly for missing his daddy. He said daddy did not get to see that he is washing his own uniform everyday after school. I reckoned that he feel proud for able to do this and wishes daddy to praise on him. He then called aloud for Papa and whispered I love my Papa. I cried with him but I know this is the path we must go through. I did not stop him but letting him.
After calming down, he felt better and fell asleep. I wonder what will he dreams for tonight.
I know he will get stronger after each time of this “episode”.
I then guided him to live on harder & happier for daddy won’t worry for us. We then talked about the youngest Son, didi.
Didi misses his daddy but he doesn’t have lots of emotion yet?! Or rather he had shorter time with the Father and he would just smile while watching his daddy’s video clip.
My heart aches for Didi, why? My Fengshui master who able to tell my hubby’s mortality (more accurate than the oncology) comment for Didi’s fate for same health casualties as like his Father at age 28-35yrs old. He didn’t initiate this talk but my instinct tells that I need to do something for didi and indeed gotten quite bad telling.
I won’t want to witness this from happening and no one could guarantee that it will happen, or not happen. But I will do whatever I could to turn it over via Buddha’s guidance.
I spent a lots of money to do the Fate Enhancement, I will say this way. Chinese has its way and funny is that people who do the enhancement are the rich businessman or celebrities.
Money is the least I want to worry. But this sum of money does put me into deeper thought about my future planning.
I realised that my room rental could only cover half of my monthly expenses.
I might go back to my expertise to get more monetary return, I mean a higher earning job.
Being thrifty is definitely not my forte. Neither the direction of my future, ha!
I want to give quality life to myself & my kids and I don’t wish to lead a life bothering about a Saving of $10 or $20. I want to give extra pocket money to my parents too.
Reality is that the fund my hubby left will not able to cover for years. And I wish to reserve and grow every cent of it to pass to the kids.
But I tell myself that I must not rush, I must complete my voluntary training then move on. I must hang on to next year.
The time now is probably the most important and crucial time for decision making to the future.
Friends, let’s stay steady!